


blood on the scaffold (and on my hands too)

by Reign_of_Glory



Series: Forgiveness [3]
Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: (ex) - Freeform, Angst, But also, COMFORT!, Fluff, Gen, Jokes, Nightmares, Oh look its part 3, TWs in notes, a bit - Freeform, and grape jam sucks, be proud, but yea they communicate, communication!, have fun with this lol, hmm, i worked v hard, jane is anxious, lina and cathy still can't cook, lina has the braincell, oh and anxiety, references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27491305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reign_of_Glory/pseuds/Reign_of_Glory
Summary: Alotof stuff has gone down. Cathy made mistakes, and Jane feels she's made some, too. A strong dose of communication was needed, and after a while, Catalina delivered.~*~“I think we all need to talk,” said Catalina.Anna and Cathy hummed in agreement while Jane froze. “I’m sorry,what?”
Series: Forgiveness [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897090
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	blood on the scaffold (and on my hands too)

**Author's Note:**

> tws:  
> -nightmares  
> -swearing  
> -anxiety  
> -vomiting  
> -lmk if there are more, i hope you guys enjoy!! <3

_ Flashes of red fill her vision. _

_ It isn’t something she hasn’t seen before. Jane sees darkness, then light, then crimson in almost the same colour as blood.  _

_ She hurts, too, and she isn’t sure if she needs to clutch her stomach to stop the pain or just let go. _

_ (she needs to let go, what is there for her to do? it’ll stop if she lets go.) _

Jane gasped, her eyes opening in a flash as she sat up. Her chest heaved, and she shuddered as she fought to forget the dream.

Her sheets were soaked in sweat, and it reminded her of a time from so long ago. She wanted to cry.

_ she’s going to die and what can she do about it? her son will live. part of her will live. _

_ (is this how anne felt?) _

Jane grimaced, and she heaved another breath as she bit back a scream. She wasn’t sure what hurt most. Her abdominal muscles ached, but so did her head, and as she thought about it, she was certain her throat was sore, too. 

She let out a small wail, knowing she was alone, and she drew her knees to her chest. Now that she was alone, she could cry, and she would feel fine in the morning save for a small headache.

Jane wasn’t used to lack of sleep, but she could deal with it.

She could deal with anything.

~*~

In the morning, Jane sat next to Cathy. Catalina was on the sixth Queen’s other side, and there was no surprise that Anne sat as far away from Cathy as possible, occasionally shooting a glare towards them before she went back to staring angrily at her toast. 

Jane smiled at Katherine, wishing her a good morning, and the teenager grinned up at her. “You too, Jane,” she said, “did you sleep well?”

Anne scoffed but said nothing.

“Of course, Kit,” Jane lied, “did you?”

“Yeah!” Katherine said, “I’m not even tired!”

Everyone at the table laughed, even Cathy. The air was still tense, but Jane knew it could have been worse. 

She stuck her knife into a jar of jam, and she began to spread it on her toast, sighing to herself as she realised it was grape.

She hated grape.

~*~

“It’s not just me,” Jane argued, “it’s Cathy, too; she prefers strawberry!”

Catalina narrowed her eyes. “Jane, you  _ know _ we all have plans later,” she said, her voice just a bit too patronising for Jane’s liking. Jane frowned. They all had a rule to not go anywhere alone, but once, just this once, couldn’t she break it?

Finally, she sighed, giving in. “Anne doesn’t,” she said.

Catalina laughed, but it was a dry laugh, one devoid of joy. “And you really expect that to go well?”

Jane lifted her chin to stare straight into Catalina’s eyes. “I can handle it,” she said, and it took a great deal of her willpower to keep her voice from wavering. “Trust me. I can.”

The two women stared at each other, having a silent argument, and finally, Catalina relented. “Fine,” she said, “but if either of you come back with a broken nose, I won’t be asking who did it. I’ll simply lock you both in your rooms for a week.”

Jane was tempted to say it wouldn’t be a problem even if she did that, but she sighed and nodded. “All right.”

~*~

“Make sure not to burn the house down when you get back,” Anna said as she pulled on her coat. “Jane, don’t give her a reason to yell at you. Anne, don’t yell at her. Even if she  _ does _ give you a reason to.”

Anne laughed, and Jane felt a chill run down her spine. She was already on edge. “Of course I won’t, Anna,” Anne said, laughing as she spoke, “I’ve only yelled once in the past month. I’m not going to waste my voice on  _ Jane. _ ”

Jane pulled on her jacket, slipping her arms into the sleeves and making sure she had money in her pockets before she smiled at Anna. “Believe me, I won’t make anyone angry.”

She and Anne shared a glance, and Jane tried to decode something in the other woman’s gaze. She couldn’t, though, and she only felt as if Anne was trying to murder her with a single look.

“Well,” Anna said, “I guess… Good luck.” She closed the door, and Jane inhaled.

Anne sighed, glancing at her watch. “When do you want to leave by?” she asked monotonously. 

Jane rocked on her feet. “I mean…” She paused. She didn’t want to say something wrong. She was  _ scared. _ “I… Whenever you want to.”

Anne’s gaze met Jane’s once again, and the blonde stood still as Anne tried to search her gaze for an ulterior motive. Finally, when she couldn’t find one, she shrugged. “You’re ready, let me get on my shoes.”

Had Anne been anyone else, Jane would have told her to not forget her coat.

Because it was Anne, Jane hardly cared.

~*~

“Road work ahead?” Anne muttered under her breath from the driver’s seat. She raised an eyebrow, and Jane shrugged silently.  _ “Yeah, I sure hope it does.” _

Jane’s eyes widened. “... Anne.”

Anne didn’t look her way, instead keeping her eyes on the road ( _ like a responsible person, _ Jane thought bitterly). “Hm?”

_ “Anne.” _

“What?”

“What if the road doesn’t actually work?”

“Oh, shit.”

~*~

“Well, we’re not dead,” said Jane thoughtfully, exiting the car and taking a whiff of the cold air.

Anne shivered next to her, but the second she noticed Jane’s eyes on her, she glowered. “What do you _ want?” _ she asked. Her tone was almost antagonistic, and Jane froze.

After a few moments of Jane’s terrified silence, Anne seemed as if she was fighting back the urge to facepalm. Jane’s heart sped up, and she could hear its anxious beats when Anne placed a hand on hers. The second Queen’s skin was cold (of course, it was freezing outside), and Jane flinched away. “Nothing,” she said meekly, and she wrenched her arm as far away as she could. “Don’t touch me.”

“Jane,  _ wait!” _

“Don’t talk to me! I know what we need, I’ll get the cold things. You should get Kit some cereal or something,” she said, not looking back.

~*~

Of course, she couldn’t avoid Anne forever. The dark-haired woman was waiting agitatedly by the car, clearly cold. It was a wonder she hadn’t caught frostbite yet, Jane thought with a smirk. 

“It took you long enough,” Anne muttered, her breath fogging in front of her. 

“I’ll drive,” Jane said after a moment of hesitation, and she watched as Anne relaxed. 

“What?”

“You know, drive. Like, put my foot on the gas and my hands on the wheel. I can do it.”

“Pipe down. I’m fine.”

Anne clearly wasn’t fine, but Jane lifted her chin and slammed the passenger door for good measure. When met with an angry glare, she merely shrugged. “Whoops,” she said drily.

Sometimes, the people in Jane’s life made her want to strangle them.

She’d indirectly done it once before, though, and she kept her anger at bay.

~*~

Jane noticed things.

She wasn’t allowed to have her own quirks, at least not enough of them, so she noticed the things that set everyone else apart.

Katherine, for instance, was hardly the child Anne and Catalina sometimes thought her to be. She was mature in her own right, and she was one of the two people in the house that Jane trusted. Kit could do maths, she could read, and she knew more about modern history than any of the rest of them. The girl enjoyed learning about sciences, and sometimes Jane would listen to her talk about her interests. There was something called chemistry that Katherine liked, but Jane really couldn’t grasp the concept. It was all too confusing.

Jane knew the others saw Catalina as a rigid rule enforcer, but Jane saw the fierce mother who had led a war while pregnant. She saw the fire inside the woman, and she was surprised Catalina hadn’t yelled at anyone yet. Perhaps, she thought, Catalina’s fire was a fire of protection, a fire of love.

She was glad to be in its range.

It was easy for Jane to see how deeply Anna cared for everyone. She even made sure Cathy was doing well, following Jane when she went to give the sixth Queen dinner. Anna always made sure Cathy took it, even if she didn’t talk to the woman herself. 

Anna helped her clean up around the house far more than the others, and Anna always gave little gestures of love to everyone. Whether it was dropping a book by Katherine’s door or helping Catalina with a new recipe (because who  _ didn’t _ know Lina needed the help?), Anna always found a way to make sure the others knew she cared.

Cathy didn’t do much now, but the sheer fact that she  _ tried _ spoke volumes. Jane could see her longing to watch a film with the others, but she was too nervous to ask. It broke Jane’s heart to see her like this, but she knew no one would do anything with her until the… issue… was resolved.

Jane noticed the little things Anne did to show she cared, too. They were small and hardly noticeable, but Jane could see them. She noticed when the dishes were cleaned without explanation or the towels freshly washed, dried, and folded. Even though she enjoyed doing household tasks, she found a bit of help wasn’t entirely unwelcome.

Despite all the little things she noticed, though, Jane had never been good about noticing how people felt about her. She could read the room fairly well, but she’d always stayed quiet rather than risking a mistake. It was simpler that way, she told herself, but she didn’t quite think she was right.

~*~

“Jane! Jane!”

Jane glanced up from her knitting to see Katherine bounding towards her, light in the girl’s eyes. “Yes, Kit?” she asked, a smile on her lips.

Katherine beamed. “Janey! It’s snowing!”

Jane raised an eyebrow and glanced around the room. Cathy was staring out a window in awe. Small white flakes had begun to dust the trees, and Kit giggled. “The pond’s frozen.”

Anne gasped from where she stood by the fire. “It is?”

“Yeah!”

Catalina turned off the television and turned to face the others. Anna was already pulling on her coat and boots, but she stopped when Catalina cleared her throat.

  
“You can go outside. Just be careful. Don’t get frostbite.”

Anne lifted her chin boldly. “I’ll be  _ fine. _ ”

Anna scoffed, elbowing her friend and giving her a coat.  _ “You  _ might be,” she said, “but I don’t know about Cathy.”

Anne’s gaze darkened, and Cathy smiled slightly from where she was pulling on her boots. It was the first time Anna had brought her into a conversation since the incident. “Yeah, I might slip and fall, Anna. You might need to catch me,” Cathy said, and although her tone was even, Jane could tell she was trying to keep it from wavering.

“Let’s go, Annie! Come on, Jane!” Katherine exclaimed, and Jane was elated to see the girl so excited. Nothing had been the same since the incident, but it was wonderful to see Kit acting happy again.

Anne smiled, but something in her expression put Jane on edge. She stepped away from the second Queen, letting the cousins and Anna dash out the door with Cathy on their heels. She followed behind in a lethargic manner, and Catalina sighed. “Don’t let them get into trouble,” she said tiredly.

“I won’t,” Jane responded. “Trust me.”

She stepped outside and was blown away.

Not  _ literally, _ of course, but figuratively. Outside, the world was full of white, and Jane couldn’t see anything until she felt a  _ thwack _ against her neck.

She turned to see Cathy smiling triumphantly, and she grinned. “You-” Jane paused, bending down to form her own snowball. “I’m going to get you!”

Soon, everyone was in on the game of war. Katherine was using Anne - who protested but gave up - as a shield, and Anna had tackled Cathy and was currently pinning Cathy to the ground while pelting snowballs at Anne-and-Kit. Anne attempted to dodge, but she elbowed Kit, and both of them fell to the ground.

“Jane!” yelled Cathy. “Get them!”

Jane made another snowball, grinning madly as she chased down the cousins, who had just managed to get back up and were dusting off their clothes. Kit squealed and sprinted away while Anne spun to throw a snowball at Jane’s face.

“Hey!” Jane exclaimed, spitting out snow and grinning. Anne had already leapt away, giggling, and Jane dashed after her. “Come back here!”

Anna shouted something from where she had been, but Jane didn’t look back; instead, she jumped and tackled Anne to the ground, laughing wildly. Her hair was in her mouth, and she pushed it out of her face, staring down at the second Queen, who was gasping for breath between laughs. Jane dug a bit of snow from the ground and rubbed it in Anne’s hair. Anne gasped and whacked Jane’s arm lightly, trying to roll away. “Not my  _ hair!” _ she exclaimed, widening her eyes in mock horror.

Jane froze when Anne touched her, and she narrowed her eyes. Slowly standing up, Jane shook the snow off of her hands, turning around and running back towards Cathy and Anna. Anna was staring at the pond, and Cathy was touching the ice. “Jane, I dare you to walk on it,” Cathy said deviously.

“I wouldn’t,” Anne muttered from behind her.

“Jane, be careful,” Kit added.

Jane didn’t want to walk on the ice. She’d heard of the dangers of it. She could slip and get hurt; or worse, she could fall through. Nevertheless, she raised her chin, and she took a step onto the ice. “I’m not a wimp,” she said, and she stood on it. 

Nothing happened.

Jane grinned, waving at the others, who were gawking at her. “I’m fine,” she called to Kit. “It’s nice out here!”

Anna took a step towards her, jaw dropping slightly. “Jane, I don’t think that’s a good-”

_ Crack. _

For a moment, Jane was certain the wind had moved a branch off a tree. She thought maybe an animal had stepped on a stick.

“Uh oh.”

It was then that Jane knew she was in danger, and she panicked. She began to hurry back to the ground, but she heard another crack and her foot fell through.

Katherine screamed.

At first, Jane didn’t feel much of anything. Her legs were now wet, and she hated the feeling, but the water barely reached her hips. She was fine.

She looked at her family, who were dusted in snow, and she watched as Katherine dashed inside, yelling something inaudible. She watched with clarity as Cathy shoved Anna off of her and dashed to the pond, staring down into what Jane thought were broken shards of glass.

_ Oh. _

Anna was soon to follow, rushing to Jane’s help. She said something, but Jane couldn’t register what she’d said, and instead, she attempted to pull herself out of the ice.

_ Crack. _

Jane swore softly, and she let go of the ice. Already, it had cracked around her, and she began to feel the cold seeping in.

She watched as the three remaining Queens rushed to figure out how to extract the confused Jane from the shallow area of the pond she was currently situated in. To her surprise, even Anne appeared worried. 

_ “Jane,  _ _ J _ _ a _ _ n _ _ e,  _ _ J-” _

_ “-ane-” _

_ “Jane!” _

_ “Jane, can you hear us?” _

Jane nodded slowly. “Of course,” she said, “Why wouldn’t I be able to?”

Anne seemed to narrow her eyes, but her face was covered enough by her hood that Jane couldn’t quite tell. Jane reached for her own hood and felt it behind her neck. She pulled it on, frigid water splattering on her nose.

“Jane, you sound like you’ve had a bit much to drink,” Anne mumbled.

“Not the time,” Anna responded, glaring at the second Queen before reaching for Jane. “Grab onto my arm, Jane.”

Jane complied, blinking, and she gasped when Anna’s glove met hers. “It’s cold,” she said, not quite sure who she was talking to. 

“Cathy, get Lina,” Anna said, taking initiative. “Anne, for the love of all things wonderful, stop smirking and help me.”

Jane sighed, and the cold had truly begun to seep in. She shivered. “Please?”

Two pairs of hands wrapped strongly around hers, and they began to drag her out of the ice. It took time, and Cathy had Lina in tow when they were finished. Jane couldn’t feel her legs very well, and she stumbled after Anna, following Lina into the house. 

The wave of warmth that hit her was surprising. It was almost as if the house was the inside of a volcano and she was a snowman, she thought, and she smiled weakly.

“Jane, can you take off your coat? We’ll help you from there.”

Jane nodded, slipping her hands out of her gloves the best she could. She fumbled with the buttons on her coat before Anna sighed and helped her. “We’ll have to get you changed into something warm - Anne, can you grab a robe from the drying machine?”

Jane complied with Anna’s wishes, slipping into a warm robe once Anne got back. She was pushed to the fire, although she wasn’t quite sure who was pushing her. “Sit,” Cathy said, “please.”

“Sure,” Jane mumbled, sitting next to the fire. She was still shaking, and the others sat next to her, occasionally asking her if she felt all right.

After a few moments, Anne stood. “I should make her some tea. I don’t think her lips are supposed to be blue.”

She left, and while Jane was looking forward to having a cup of tea, she heard Cathy murmur,  _ “but her lips aren’t blue,” _ and it was safe to say she trusted Cathy far more than Anne.

She shivered, and while she was slowly warming up, she felt far colder than she had before. A chill ran down her spine, and she felt everyone’s eyes on her as Anne handed her the cup.

She didn’t drink any of it. Not a single sip.

~*~

_ She’s chasing the second Queen. _

_ She’s not meaning to be  _ rude _ about it, per se - she’s just chasing Anne Boleyn.  _

_ It’s almost fun, and she can hear Cathy cheering in the background. She can see Catalina and Kit reading underneath a tree. Anna is taking pictures of birds near the pond. _

_ And she’s chasing Anne. _

_ Really, they’re all having fun. She can see Kit’s smile out of the corner of her eye, she can see Anna laughing as she tries to snapshot a bird in flight. She can even hear a smattering of laughter from Anne, who darts to the left as Jane sprints after her. _

_ It’s warm. _

_ Not the weather, of course; it’s still winter. It’s not as nice as Autumn was (although it was sad to celebrate Edward’s birthday when Catalina and Anne didn’t even know who he was), but it’s not too cold, or so she thinks. _

_ (she remembers the chill in her husband’s gaze when she took a single step out of line. she remembers the ice in anne’s eyes when she so much as looked at her) _

_ The feeling, though, that rises up inside her, is warm. It makes her feel as if she’s sitting next to the fireplace, and she can’t stop smiling. _

_ Anne stumbles, and Jane trips over her, effectively pinning the second Queen to the frosty ground. They both laugh, but the scene changes as Jane’s hands flicker. They glow crimson for a moment, and then the red is gone. _

_ Suddenly, Jane rises. She knows where she is, but the scene is far different than her memory serves to be - unless her memory is wrong, but none of them have encountered such a problem yet. _

_ She doesn’t see Catalina or Anna anymore. Based on where she is, Catalina shouldn’t be alive.  _

_ Cathy isn’t here. Neither is Kit. Jane would much prefer it if Kit were here; things would have ended far better for the fifth Queen if she were. _

_ She does see Anne, though. _

_ Jane stares out into the crowd before her, an odd sense of fear bubbling up within her. Something isn’t right. This isn’t right. This isn’t what should be happening. _

_ Anne leans against Henry, a cold smirk on her lips. She stares at Jane, and Jane feels her blood freeze, easily matching the temperature outside. _

_ It’s winter, she tells herself. It’s supposed to be cold. _

_ Her own thoughts still don’t explain the bitter freeze she feels inside her. Her blood is rushing underneath her skin, and suddenly, she’s aware of why she’s here. _

_ Anne’s managed to get her executed. _

_ Jane’s the one standing on the scaffold, staring out at the crowd who wishes for her to die. Anne is the Queen who ordered this, or at least, she told her husband to do this.  _

_ Jane wants to cry, but she knows the tears will freeze the second they escape her eyes. She wants to scream for help, but her throat is too dry to allow a single word past her lips. _

_ She falls to her knees, resting her head against the block. It’s rough against her cheek, almost as rough as sandpaper, and she holds onto it with her fingers. She’s not blindfolded. She can see shuffling feet; she can see the blurry faces of the crowd. _

_ “Wait.” _

_ It’s Anne. _

_ The chatter stops. She’s always had a huge presence. Even when she’s silent, Jane has always been able to feel her in the room. _

_ “Let me do it.” _

_ Jane can see a woman’s skirts near her head, and her heartbeat drums faster, the rough wood splintering her cheek as she presses it to the block. She wants this to be quick. It’ll still hurt. She might even feel things after, but she prays it will be quick. _

_ She feels a thin strip of icy metal meet her neck, and the scene fades away. _

Jane coughed, sitting up in bed and blinking. Her throat was still dry, and she lifted her hands to trace around the circumference of her neck, pleased that there was no blood.

Her heart still pounded, and she felt a lump in her throat. She told herself she wasn’t going to cry, that it wasn’t worth it, but still, the silent tears finally came. Jane could hardly breathe between sobs, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of the nature of the dream or the fact that her throat was too dry to even let air pass through.

Jane knew she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again. She kicked off the sweat-soaked sheets, grimacing at how they reminded her of blood, and she set foot onto the carpet. Her clothes clung to her skin, and she slowly opened her door to step out into the hallway.

  
She made her way to the kitchen, her pulse finally slowing a bit, and she nearly ran into a figure.

_ “Merde!” _

Uh oh.

Jane froze, hardly registering Anne’s frantic French worries as she stood there, blinking haphazardly. “Oh my goodness, are you okay? I’m so sorry! Usually, no one’s up at this hour… Do you want a coffee?” The second Queen set down her mug - which seemed to be empty - and opened the cabinet to search for another in the dark.

Jane was now shaking, and she supposed she didn’t need caffeine to wake her up. “I’m fine,” she said, and Anne froze.

“Jane?”

“I’m fine,” Jane repeated, “I’ll just go.”

“No, no, I…” Anne shifted on her feet, and Jane narrowed her eyes.

“It’s better if I go,” she said, keeping her tone level. “I am very sorry to have bothered you.”

She didn’t fall back asleep that night.

She didn’t even try.

~*~

Jane remembered Mary.

She also remembered that now, Catalina’s daughter was seen in two lights - and it was  _ usually _ a very negative one. 

She sometimes talked to Catalina about how much she’d loved Mary. Mary had been everything Jane  _ wanted  _ to be. Strong, confident, intelligent, passionate… The list went on and on and on until Jane couldn’t even fathom when it would end. 

She’d admired the child, and she told that to Catalina.

“Oh,  _ querida, _ you’re just like her,” Catalina responded, holding Jane close, “you just don’t see it. You’re strong enough to be the glue to keep us together. You’re confident enough in your skills to not need anyone else to do things for you. You’re intelligent enough to figure out how to work the oven…” Catalina trailed off in embarrassment before picking back up. “And you’re passionate about what you believe in. Remember how you stood up to me when you wanted strawberry jam?”

Jane pouted. She racked her mind for contradicting points, but when she couldn’t find any to fight back against what Catalina had said, she shrugged. “That was out of necessity,” she argued halfheartedly, “I don’t see what any of you see in grape.”

Catalina laughed, and Jane felt a weight lifted from her shoulders as she laughed along with her. Despite being Plain Jane, people liked her sense of humour.  _ Catalina _ liked her sense of humour. Jane felt a grin spread on her lips (like the grape jam, she thought, and her laughter grew louder).

A knock sounded on the door, and Jane, still laughing, tried to stand.

“I’ll get it,” said Catalina, getting up and walking to the door. She was still bent over, chuckling to herself, and she opened the door to reveal Cathy standing at the threshold. She smiled sheepishly. 

“I think Kit left something in here,” Cathy mumbled, “but I can always come back later if you two are… Busy.”

“Oh, no,” said Jane, smiling at Cathy. “I mean, if we aren’t, Catalina?”

Catalina laughed again. “Of course we aren’t busy. What do you need?”

Cathy shifted on her feet. “Have you seen Kit’s phone charger? Anna told me she needs to find it before Kit gets home.

“I think Anne took it this morning,” said Catalina, “but I’m not going into her room, and I have to do the dishes. I wouldn’t risk Cathy going in there. Jane?”

Jane sighed.

“Fine. I offer myself for tribute.”

~*~

The room was creepy.

Now, it was an attic. Of  _ course _ it was creepy. Nevertheless, Jane got the feeling she wasn’t supposed to be in here. She saw how it could be homey; the windows were decorated with curtains of spring green and the bed was made perfectly. A small lamp was lit on a desk, and two bookshelves bordered the desk. If Jane wasn’t so scared of what lay in wait for her, she would have thought the room to be cosy.

As she entered, however, she noticed that the room’s inhabitant wasn’t there, and she immediately relaxed. It was as if a cinder block had been taken off of her shoulders, and she felt fine as she searched for the laptop charger. Jane had always enjoyed looking for things, and this was no different.

She blew dust off of a few books, noting how many biographies there were -  _ why on earth would she want to read these, these are depressing, is she insane? -  _ and she glanced underneath the desk. There were no plugs, let alone a cord that resembled Kit’s.

Jane saw a plug when she stood up straight, nearly hitting her head on the desk, and she took the cord that was plugged in - but not before her eyes caught on a picture.

It was a pencil drawing, but it was shaded well enough that it had depth. Jane narrowed her eyes, and her most recent nightmare slapped her in the face. She  _ knew _ that sword. 

Jane picked up the sketchbook, tracing her finger over the lines that seemed to be so quickly hatched into it. Nearly angrily, she thought, and she spun around to face the door as it swung open.

Shit.

She hadn’t heard her coming.

Anne stood in the doorway, her face pale and her mouth slightly open, as if she’d been calling to Anna right before she entered. Jane noticed her expression change the moment she saw her, and she grimaced. Anne’s cheeks tinted red, and she set her jaw.

“Jane.”

Jane grinned, and she lifted her fingers in a way she’d seen Katherine do before - almost like the little guns she saw in war movies. “Finger guns,” Kit called them. “That’s me,” she said shyly.

“Get out.” Anne’s voice was firm, and it reminded Jane of a scene she so often liked to forget. She stood there, book in hand, and watched as a dim fire lit behind Anne’s gaze.  _ “Get. Out.” _

Jane blinked. Her thumb rubbed against the cover of the book, trying to get a grounding. “I was looking for Kit’s-”

Anne took a bold step towards her, a frown etched into her lips, and she hissed something underneath her breath. “I do not  _ care,” _ she said, placing her cold hands on Jane’s -  _ cold, cold, cold, like the day, like the nightmare, help - _ “that you were looking for Kit’s charging cord. I believe you have found it. Will you  _ please _ get  _ out _ of my room!?”

Jane stared her in the eye, and feeling a surge of courage, she smirked. “No,” she said firmly. “You can’t make me. Also, get your hands off of me.” She attempted to pull her hands away from Anne’s, and she was surprised when the second Queen let go. “Your hands are cold. I don’t like it.”

_ “I _ don’t like you being in my  _ room,” _ Anne hissed,  _ “please _ leave-”

“I was looking at this,” Jane said, her voice devoid of emotion.

Anne made a disgruntled noise of annoyance and backed away.  _ “Why _ didn’t you get the charger and  _ go?” _ she grumbled. 

Jane shrugged. “I didn’t feel like it,” she responded. “Besides, I found this great drawing of a sword, and I… I had memories.”

Anne paled again, and all fury seemed to escape her in that instant. She suddenly seemed smaller, even though Jane was only taller than Cathy, and she stared at Jane meekly. “Please just give it back,” she pleaded, “I… Please.”

Jane raised a single eyebrow, flipping through the book to find its cover. Anne took a tentative step towards her, light on her feet as if she was scared Jane might attack her. This shift in roles was new, and Jane felt power running through her veins. “You want this?” she asked, flipping to a random page and holding it up so it faced Anne.

On the reverse side was a rosebush. It wasn’t anything as special as  _ the _ sword. Still, Anne glared at her, and suddenly she snatched the book out of Jane’s hands with such force that Jane nearly cried out. “Keep your hands to your own things,” Anne said, although all the energy had been drained from her tone. “And before I have to say it again,  _ get the fuck out of my room.” _

Surprised by the sudden swear word, Jane left silently, and she didn’t realise she’d forgotten Kit’s charger in the room behind her.

~*~

_ She hears voices in her head, telling her to keep going, to keep trying, that she can live, and then she hears a familiar voice. She thought that voice was gone. She thought that voice was  _ long _ gone.  _

_ “Long live the Queen,” it says sarcastically, almost bitterly. It has a rasp to it. Jane knows why it has a rasp to it. One can’t exactly speak properly with a severed throat, can they? _

_ Jane grunts, opting to ignore her. She’s never believed in ghosts. Now isn’t the time to start. Still, she can hear Anne’s words echoing in her head, and she shivers as sweat gathers on the sheets. She deserves this. She deserves worse than this. At least  _ she’ll _ go out in glory, at least her name will not be tarnished. _

_ “Quiet,” she grunts, but her words are lost in a torrent of screams- _

-Jane forced herself awake, and she nearly doubled over with the force of her awakening. She felt sick. Taking a deep breath, Jane tried to calm herself down, but it was no use. She leapt out of bed and began to run out of her room, down the hall, and up the stairs, until she just barely made it to the bathroom.

She was still leaning against the toilet, using it for support, when the other five Queens, who had apparently awoken, knocked on the door. “Jane?” It was Anna’s voice. “Jane, are you all right?” She sounded worried, as if Jane’s sudden sickness made her scared for Jane’s life.

Jane felt another wave of nausea hit her, and she vomited again.

“Oh my goodness, Jane-” 

“Is she sick?”

“Is she going to live?”

The next few voices crowded her ears, and she had to stop herself from leaning over the toilet once again. “I’m fine,” she croaked.

“She doesn’t  _ sound _ fine,” Anne muttered.

“Shut  _ up, _ Anne,” Jane growled before promptly vomiting again.

Silence filled the room, and Jane coughed, hating the feel of acid in her throat. She longed for a glass of water, but she wasn’t ready to ask for one. Jane glanced at the sink, and she groaned. It was too far.

She felt like collapsing against the toilet, if she were to be honest with herself.

She nearly dozed off when a few clicks sounded from the doorknob, and it twisted. Jane watched with half-lidded eyes as Catalina and Anna peeked in, concern etched into their features. “Jane,” said Catalina softly, “Do you need anything?”

Jane shrugged wearily. “Can you two just… Stay?”

It was a simple request, and Anna sat next to her, rubbing her back anxiously. “Do we need to go to the doctor?” she asked. “I’m… Worried.”

“Me too,” Catalina responded from where she stood by the sink. “Jane, you… Haven’t seemed like yourself, if you know what I’m trying to say.”

“Is that so?” Jane croaked.

“Get her some water,” Catalina said to Cathy, who still lingered by the door. Cathy nodded quickly, and she disappeared. 

She seemed to enjoy feeling helpful, Jane noticed. 

“I had a nightmare,” Jane offered after a moment of hesitation. 

“Hm?”

“I’ve had a lot of nightmares.”

Jane's voice was cracking as she spoke, and she had to wonder why her throat felt as if it were being burnt as her tongue moved in the form of letters. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Catalina asked, concern etched into her words. She leant against the sink. Jane could hear her feet tapping on the cold tile, and it helped to ground her. 

“There’s not much to say,” Jane responded weakly, swallowing. “I’ve had nightmares about death, usually mine. It’s… it’s fine.”

“That’s not fine,” Catalina argued, “Jane, I’m sure we’ve all had nightmares of our deaths… You don’t need to keep it to yourself.”

“It’s not accurate, though. Things are different. In one dream, I was  _ beheaded. _ In another, I had blood all over my hands…” Jane’s voice trailed off when she saw Cathy enter with a glass of water. She glanced up at both of them, who seemed extremely worried, and then over at Anna, whose eyes were narrowed.

“I think we all need to talk,” said Catalina.

Anna and Cathy hummed in agreement while Jane froze. “I’m sorry,  _ what?” _

“We need to talk. All of us. Come on, you can have your water downstairs,” Anna said, gently wrapping her warm fingers around Jane’s wrist. Jane numbly followed the other three downstairs to where Anne sat in a chair, nursing her coffee (why she had coffee this early in the morning was beyond Jane) and Kit was leaning on Anne, about to fall asleep on her cousin’s shoulder. An odd surge of jealousy flowed through Jane, and though it was numbed by her tiredness, Jane wanted Katherine to lean on  _ her _ to fall asleep.

Anne nodded to them, taking a sip of her drink, before raising an eyebrow in question.

“Kat, wake up. This is important.” Anna sat on the arm of the chair next to the teenager, gently nudging her until her tired eyes opened.

“Yeah?”   
  


“Jane… Care to explain your night troubles?” Anna shot a worried glance at Jane, who was still standing next to her. She watched Anne set down her coffee before pulling Kit closer, and she sighed. 

“Not really.”

“Communication is key,” Catalina chimed in.

Katherine nodded wearily, glancing up at Jane. “Yeah, go ahead,” she murmured, “We’re all ears.”

“Sit down, though,” Anna said, gesturing to the floor and then to a chair beside her. “Be comfortable.”

Jane snorted, and taking her glass of water from Cathy, she stood in front of the cousins and Anna. “Comfortable?” she said, sipping her drink. “I don’t think anyone here is  _ comfortable.” _

“Which is  _ why _ we need to talk,” Catalina offered.

“So, what’s bothering you?” Cathy asked. “Is there anything you need to get off your chest? You were here for me; I’ll be here for you.”

Jane’s vision blurred, but she didn’t think much of it as she began to speak. “I…” She couldn’t find words. She felt an odd burn behind her eyes, and she sighed. “I’m glad you  _ think _ that,” she said finally. Her words carried a bitter note to them, and she was surprised her voice hadn’t cracked.

She didn’t feel like she had a heart of stone. She felt  _ weak. _ Jane watched worry flood Cathy’s gaze, and she glanced away to see Kit staring at her blankly, Anna raising an eyebrow, and Anne sighing. 

“Because, well, I don’t. Name one way I have been here for you.”

“You made breakfast the other day,” Kit offered meekly. “You tried to find my charger even though Anne terrifies you-”

Anne made a noise of indignation mixed with surprise and nearly spit out her drink.

“-and you’ve just been really, really sweet. You’re always here to greet me when I get home from school, and… Well, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Katherine gazed up at her with hope glistening in her eyes, and she smiled as softly as she could. “Janey, you’re  _ one _ of us. Even if you’re feeling down, we’ve  _ got _ you.”

“Yeah,” Cathy agreed, warmth seeping into her voice. “Honestly, I don’t think I would have taken care of myself at all if it hadn’t been for you. I certainly wouldn’t have made a conscious effort to talk to any of you…” Her voice trailed off, and the room became quiet once again. “Thank you for being there for me. Now, I want to help  _ you.” _

“Jane,” Catalina added, “you helped me see past the horrors of grape jam.” Her lips quirked up a bit, and she chuckled. “Your personality is so warm. It’s… honestly, it’s refreshing. I consider you my friend.”

“You’re our family, Jane. Everyone has bad days, or nights, as this is - and we all help each other through them.” Anna smiled warmly at her, but Jane couldn’t find it in herself to meet her friend’s gaze.

“Yeah!” Kit interjected, “and we all love you!”

The others, for the most part, quickly agreed. “Absolutely,” said Anna, and everyone except Anne chorused it.

An awkward silence filled the room, and Katherine cleared her throat. “We  _ all _ love you, Jane.” She elbowed her cousin.

Anne nearly spilt her coffee, and she glared at Kit before her gaze softened a minuscule amount. “...Right.” She glanced at Jane and set down her drink. Jane nearly saw right through it, but she stopped when Anne cleared her throat. Jane couldn’t see her clearly (why was her vision blurry, why couldn’t she breathe?), but she  _ did _ see Anne reach out for her, slowly, as if she was a hurt animal.

“Hey,” she said, placing a coffee-warmed hand on Jane’s. “Deep breaths, okay? Drink some of your water to help you swallow.” 

Jane watched as Kit fumbled for her cup, and when she handed it to her, she used her free hand to gulp down the remaining water. It didn’t help much, but her lips formed into a shaky smile. Anne’s fingers traced calming patterns on her hand, and she could hear the woman’s voice giving her soft-spoken tips. “In for three, hold for four, out for five. Again, I believe in you. It’s okay to cry if you need to.” She paused, and Jane opened her eyes. The blur was mostly gone, though she did have a slight headache now. 

“I’m sorry for… doing that,” Anne mumbled, “but I felt it might be… helpful? I… I know you don’t… like to be touched, especially not by me, but sometimes it’s really useful for grounding. To, you know, touch something.”

Jane kept silent for a few moments, narrowing her eyes at the woman who was still holding her hand.  _ Is this a trick? _

_ Shut up, thoughts, I’m fine. _

“It’s fine,” she said after debating whether or not to thank her. “Really. Don’t worry about it. That… helped a lot.”

Jane took a deep breath. Air filled her lungs, and she let it out, counting to make sure the exhale was longer than the inhale. “I think that’ll help me sleep,” she said, “I’ve been dreaming about death and stuff.”

Anne smiled uneasily. “I’m… glad that could help. That’s not good, though… If you ever need to talk…” She glanced away, and Jane sighed. “I mean, I… I’m sure we could all, like, find a way to… help?”

Jane shrugged, and glancing at Anna, she smiled blankly. “I think I’d rather have help from one or two people, like Catalina and Anna,” she said, “or Cathy.”

She watched as Anne’s eyes widened ever-so slightly. “All right, then,” Anne said, “if that’s what you want.”

It was. It was  _ very much _ what Jane wanted.

~*~

“Was I too awkward?” she asked the next day. 

Anna glanced at her, a small glance that conveyed so much emotion Jane couldn’t even fathom it all. “I dunno,” she said after a moment. “You said what you wanted to say, right?”

“I guess.”

“Then no. You did fine.”

“You’re sure?”

A hand found Jane’s, and she couldn’t help but lean into the warmth and support that was given. “I am,” said Anna, “really. I am.”

~*~

Although Jane didn’t feel up to spending much time with Anne - or Kit, by extension, as the girl was always latched onto her older cousin - she welcomed the new friendship that was blossoming with Anna. Anna wasn’t overbearing at all, not in the way Catalina could be. She wasn’t too attached like Cathy was, always asking if she was doing something right. Jane hoped  _ she _ didn’t attach herself too much to Anna. 

Anna was just a small sense of normalcy in this insane family, Jane though. Anna was the only person Jane could think of as  _ steadfast _ , as not intimidating, as a  _ friend. _

She may have loved spending time with Lina or Cathy or even Kit, but Anna was the only person she could easily talk to. Catalina intimidated her. Cathy… She had reasons to be wary around Cathy. She didn’t know what to say to Kit half the time. But Anna… Anna was easy to be around, easy to talk to. 

“Hey,” said Anna, poking her head into Jane’s room. “Wanna go skate?”

Jane grinned in response, letting her worries fall away. “Sure,” she said, and she stood.

~*~

It was safe to say that Jane wasn’t very good on skates, or anything with wheels - or blades, whatever these were called. She got sick on buses, tripped over Kit’s bicycle, and nearly crushed her fingers in the car door. Even now, she had to hold onto Anna with all her might as she skated across the ice, momentarily worrying it might break under her feet. While she knew the rink was fake, she couldn’t help shivering. She’d fallen through ice before; it was certain to happen again.

Anna kept a warm hand on hers, not only heating her but also keeping her from tripping over her own skates. “You push off with one foot,” she instructed gently, “and you just keep gliding.”

Jane attempted to do as she said but ended up spinning and a circle and slipping. She fell with a thud, and as Anna helped her rise, she was already rubbing her tailbone. “Is there an easier way?” she asked, her tone clipped. She adjusted her jeans as needed and stumbled after Anna, her toe pick clicking against the ice and causing her to trip again. 

“Not really,” Anna said, gazing down at Jane. She seemed to be holding back laughter, and Jane harrumphed moodily as she pushed herself up only to fall again. 

“This was a bad idea,” Jane grumbled. 

“Less bad than you staying home with everyone else, I’d think.”

“Couldn’t we have gone to the cinema?”

“Nah,” Anna said, waving her hand. “Too expensive.”

Jane was  _ tempted _ to mention how they had a stash of money from an unknown benefactor, how Anne and Cathy had a bit of money coming in through a webcomic - it was likely on hiatus, but it was there - and how the same anonymous people who paid their bills had apparently paid off the house, too. She didn’t, though, and instead, she elected to cross her arms over her chest and fume once she got back to her feet. 

“Come on, lighten up a bit,” Anna murmured, pulling Jane along. 

Jane sighed. “Fine.”

~*~

They entered the house to the aroma of food, but not burnt food. Jane felt a smile stretching her lips at the prospect of food that hadn’t been cooked by Lina or Cathy, and true to her thoughts, she found Catalina leaning on the counter, watching Anne stir something.

Cathy was nowhere to be found. 

Jane opted to not let it worry her immediately, and although she was concerned for her friend, Anna  _ had _ told her to lighten up, hadn’t she? 

_ “Estás revolviendo mal la sopa,” _ Catalina murmured from where she stood, her elbows resting against the counter and her chin on her forearms. 

Anne furrowed her brow, scowling.  _ “Tais-toi,” _ she hissed.

“You don’t even know-”

“It couldn’t have been good.” Jane watched Anne keep stirring the mixture on the oven. She mixed it almost angrily, with sharp little strokes rather than long, peaceful ones.

Catalina shrugged, chuckling.  _ “Aunque huele bien,” _ she said, and Anne spun around to glare at her.

“I said to shut up.”

“Mind your elders.”

_ “Fous-toi!” _

Catalina laughed, a sound that made Jane grin -  _ especially _ when she saw Anne’s flaming cheeks as she got back to cooking.

Catalina winked at Jane, and turning back to Anne, she grinned.  _ “Je suis sûr que nous pouvons trouver quelque chose.” _

Although Jane had no idea what was being said, she still laughed when she saw Anne tense before spinning around once again, awe-struck and face every shade of red imaginable.  _ “What!?” _

“You heard me. Also, it’s going to burn if you keep stirring it badly.”

Anne made a strangled noise before inhaling sharply.  _ “Jesus, save me,” _ Jane heard, and it took all of her willpower to not double over in fits of laughter and wheezes.

After the soup was finished, they all sat at the table - save for Cathy, who Jane realised was still missing. A fresh wave of concern threatened to smack her in the face, but she knew better than to mention it in front of Anne. After all, everyone was getting along fine, and the worry that usually plagued Jane had lifted itself off her shoulders for the most part.

Everything was fine, she told herself, and she allowed her lips to curl into a small, uncertain smile.

~*~

“You know about flowers, right?”

The sun shone down on them - even though it was late November, the only thing to remind her of the month was the chill she felt in her bones. Jane’s feet crunched on the leaves on the path, and Anna’s followed closely behind her.

“Mhm,” said Anna, “I do.”

“I want to get some,” Jane said, “but I want them to… Explain things for me, so that I don’t need to.”

Shrugging, Anna slipped her hands into her pockets. “All right,” she said, “I have a book you can borrow.”

A feeling of bitterness gathered itself in Jane’s gut, but she smiled tightly at Anna, trying to make it not seem like a grimace. “Thanks.”

~*~

_ They care. _

She wasn’t sure when she thought it, but it came to mind one day when Anna handed her an audiobook from the library and showed her how to use it. She noticed when Katherine took extra care to point out the little things she saw on their walks, and she noticed when Catalina searched for Cathy.

She was probably in her room, Jane thought, but again, she wasn’t sure.

She still avoided Anne the best she could, but she got the feeling it was mutual. It didn’t bother her, although she did wish  _ everyone _ liked her.

She knew that was hopeless, though, so she brushed off any hurt ego she might have had. 

Jane picked out special flowers for everyone using Anna’s book, and while she knew she wouldn’t be buying them  _ yet _ , she at least had an idea of Christmas gifts. These would be from the heart, and perhaps, she thought, she could tell them all what the flowers meant.

After all, even if they didn't like them, it was the thought that counted.

(She was sure they’d like them, though.)

“You enjoying that?”

Jane glanced up to see Anna standing in her doorway. Jane paused the audiobook and smiled at her, a real, genuine smile.

“Yeah,” she said softly.

“That’s good,” Anna said, “I’ve always liked flowers. And symbolism, to be honest. It’ll be nice to have someone else to talk to about it.”

Jane raised an eyebrow, not trusting herself to speak.

“Yeah, even in… you know, the past… I always liked flowers. They were always really useful in dyes, medicines, and they were  _ beautiful _ . No matter how much I didn’t like something, I could look out into the gardens, and there were always flowers, proving that I would overcome whatever happened.” Anna smiled a small smile, almost as if she were embarrassed to admit that. “I guess they were my way of coping, just seeing how much they could overcome and just keep growing.”

Jane nodded. “That’s… a really nice way of looking at it,” she said. “I never thought of it that way.”

“Well, take it as a lesson, then,” Anna said with a brazen grin. “It’s something that’s helped me, and I think it could help you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> t r a n s l a t i o n s:  
> (forgive the spanish pls i used google translate for that and we all know google translate is unreliable)  
> -"Merde!" = "Shit!"  
> -"Querida" = "Dear"  
> -"Estás revolviendo mal la sopa" = "you are stirring the soup badly"  
> -"Tais-toi" = "shut up"  
> -"Aunque huele bien" = "it smells good though"  
> -"Fous-toi!" = "Fuck you!"  
> -"Je suis sûr que nous pouvons trouver quelque chose." = "I'm sure we can work out something."
> 
> Feel free to yell at me at my [Tumblr](https://theleastrelevantkatherine.tumblr.com)


End file.
